A Flutter of Time

A Journey of Enlightenment and Happiness

9,892 notes &

This is what I tell myself on a daily basis! :) To me, it is important to choose happiness. Nothing in life is free… we have to work for anything and everything.

This is what I tell myself on a daily basis! :) To me, it is important to choose happiness. Nothing in life is free… we have to work for anything and everything.

(via captivating-quotes)

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The Ending is Just the Beginning (or a step toward something greater)

So, it has been about a million years since I have posted. Well, not a million, but it seems like it. I have not been lacking inspiration, I just haven’t really thought about posting. It seems to be a nice way to get my thoughts out and have a place to re-read them later. So, lets try this again…

So, here is the cheeziest thing I have probably ever posted on the Internet… but it needs to be said…

I am sooooooooooooooo sad that the Twilight movies are over!! 

So now you see where my title came from. I find myself trying to find multiple outlets for myself. One of the outlets I use are books. The first paranormal series I read was the Twilight series. And I think the reason I got sweaty hands and an increased heart rate while watching the last movie (which was intense and incredible, by the way) is because I connected so closely with the story. Not like on a “this has happened to me” level, because obviously I would have chosen Jacob and then the story would have ended; but on an “I read the books and really liked them and I wanted more” sore of a level. This was my Twilight tangent… I am done with this tangent… sorry! :)

So here I am. Finding my outlet. Sometimes life gives us curve balls. Sometimes we are faced with hardships at work, hard to deal with people come into our lives, death of loved ones, frustration with situations that you can’t control, etc. Life throws us for a loop. So, my outlet is reading and writing. I have this idea in my head for a book. And my husband keeps insisting that i sit down to write it. So, maybe one day I will. I have found solace in reading stories about things that just can’t happen. Like fantasy and paranormal. 

Sometimes I get scared to face the music of life. Sometimes it just seems easier to hide. But, when I step out of that comfort zone for just a moment, I feel amazing. This last year I took a small step. Normal things that I would typically say, “no way, no how” to… I’ve said “okay, I can do this. If I don’t do it, how will I know what it is like?” And you know… every time I did this, I was pleasantly surprised that it was something that wasn’t as bad as I thought.

Right now I am faced with a dilemma that only my husband and I know about right now… and a few family members. I am afraid to end one thing in order to move on to another. But with that fear comes apprehension  The apprehension is for the “what ifs”. What if I don’t do this… what would have happened… why are my real potentials in this life… I have come to realize that ending one thing can bring on an absolutely wonderful new thing. And maybe it is hard and you will be sad for a while, but what is truly best for you. 

My simple realization is this… if it is the best thing for you… whether it is going to make someone sad or angry or hurt… you just have to do it. Life is about learning and living and trying and achieving. 

I have learned. I do learn. And I want to learn. It’s that simple. Then end is not the end. There is always something else just beyond the horizon. It is up to us to take that initiative and see what we find. 

So, here I am. I am going to go read my book about a girl who can see her future when she dreams and then this week, I am going to take that next step. See you all on the other side!

Filed under inspiration change cheezy just me positive beginning life changes

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heartofchamberss: The word “fat” no longer has any kind of meaning to me anymore. I solemnly swear to let this word go the fuck from wherever it came from and leave me alone forever. This was a word I once allowed to have full control over me. I used to think about this word everyday. Coming from a society that values thin, a girl who’s mixed and has hips and curves for days this word has made me hate myself. Every morning before work I’d sit and do my makeup while my “fat” hung over my waist. My “rolls” or whatever you’d like to call them are very similar to the soft ripples pictured in Gaga’s most recent (not retouched) picture Terry Richardson just posted on his Tumblr. I know Gaga’s been getting a ton of recent negative publicity for “letting herself go” and getting “fat” but honestly looking at her in this picture I think she looks amazing. This revelation is new and also bittersweet considering I couldnt even look in a mirror without beating my own self up. The minute i realized my acceptance of finding “fat” beautiful, especially when people are publically scrutinizing her, was the moment I knew I’d changed. When I was living in Japan I battled with my weight tremendously. I was 5’8 size 9-10 living in a world where the average girl is 5’3 and around 100-120 lbs tops. I can’t remember a time when I ever weighed less than 150. I was used to people commenting on my curves but in Japan people used a word I’d never heard anyone call me before in America, they called me fat. Traditionally in Japanese culture the word fat doesn’t have nearly as much power as it does here in American society.  In America the meaning of the word “fat” is something much more powerful than just the insinuation that someone is the opposite of thin. Here the negative connotations go on for days. The belief that one is abhorrent, repellent, loathsome, such as that “fat person” is a judgment which sets someone up to be despised, rejected, mocked, or pitied, looked down on, etc. We put so much power into a three letter word that it embarrasses me completely.  When my Japanese friend called me fat the word stung and smacked me right between the eyes like a spitball. I felt my cheeks start to flush, my pride burned and all I could do was try and think up instinctively a cruel insult to rebuttal. But she looked at me with eyes so kind poking at my butt asking “how do you have such a nice butt? do you wear padded underpants?” and I realized in that moment that she wasn’t being cruel or trying to hurt my feelings. To her it was just as simple as “your hair is brown” “you have freckles” “your lips are big” it was a part of me, something neither disgusting or embarrassing, fat was just fat and it didn’t have anything to do with how I should feel about myself. Last night wearing a skirt, which is the first time I’ve worn anything showing my legs in years.  I wore a skirt with keds and a cut up band t-shirt and went out to a bar with a few new friends here. At some point there was awkward weird dancing to dubstep and I can’t even lie to you, I felt really beautiful. Because even in that weird dive bar with people I didn’t know watching me dance, and I was you know, wearing a skirt and everything, the thought of feeling or looking fat didn’t cross my mind, not even once. And that is a powerful feeling, and a very good feeling. To feel a four letter word like good triumph a three letter word like fat is indescribable and I sincerely hope every woman out there reading this gets to know what that’s like. 

heartofchamberss:

The word “fat” no longer has any kind of meaning to me anymore.

I solemnly swear to let this word go the fuck from wherever it came from and leave me alone forever.

This was a word I once allowed to have full control over me. I used to think about this word everyday. Coming from a society that values thin, a girl who’s mixed and has hips and curves for days this word has made me hate myself.

Every morning before work I’d sit and do my makeup while my “fat” hung over my waist. My “rolls” or whatever you’d like to call them are very similar to the soft ripples pictured in Gaga’s most recent (not retouched) picture Terry Richardson just posted on his Tumblr. I know Gaga’s been getting a ton of recent negative publicity for “letting herself go” and getting “fat” but honestly looking at her in this picture I think she looks amazing.

This revelation is new and also bittersweet considering I couldnt even look in a mirror without beating my own self up. The minute i realized my acceptance of finding “fat” beautiful, especially when people are publically scrutinizing her, was the moment I knew I’d changed. When I was living in Japan I battled with my weight tremendously. I was 5’8 size 9-10 living in a world where the average girl is 5’3 and around 100-120 lbs tops. I can’t remember a time when I ever weighed less than 150. I was used to people commenting on my curves but in Japan people used a word I’d never heard anyone call me before in America, they called me fat.

Traditionally in Japanese culture the word fat doesn’t have nearly as much power as it does here in American society.  In America the meaning of the word “fat” is something much more powerful than just the insinuation that someone is the opposite of thin. Here the negative connotations go on for days. The belief that one is abhorrent, repellent, loathsome, such as that “fat person” is a judgment which sets someone up to be despised, rejected, mocked, or pitied, looked down on, etc. We put so much power into a three letter word that it embarrasses me completely. 

When my Japanese friend called me fat the word stung and smacked me right between the eyes like a spitball. I felt my cheeks start to flush, my pride burned and all I could do was try and think up instinctively a cruel insult to rebuttal. But she looked at me with eyes so kind poking at my butt asking “how do you have such a nice butt? do you wear padded underpants?” and I realized in that moment that she wasn’t being cruel or trying to hurt my feelings. To her it was just as simple as “your hair is brown” “you have freckles” “your lips are big” it was a part of me, something neither disgusting or embarrassing, fat was just fat and it didn’t have anything to do with how I should feel about myself.

Last night wearing a skirt, which is the first time I’ve worn anything showing my legs in years.  I wore a skirt with keds and a cut up band t-shirt and went out to a bar with a few new friends here. At some point there was awkward weird dancing to dubstep and I can’t even lie to you, I felt really beautiful. Because even in that weird dive bar with people I didn’t know watching me dance, and I was you know, wearing a skirt and everything, the thought of feeling or looking fat didn’t cross my mind, not even once. And that is a powerful feeling, and a very good feeling. To feel a four letter word like good triumph a three letter word like fat is indescribable and I sincerely hope every woman out there reading this gets to know what that’s like. 

(via thegirlgasm)

143 notes &

And the real heros are our mothers and fathers, bosses and colleagues, friends and neighbors, and even strangers we meet every day. A hero is not necessarily someone who has won a lot of awards or gone to a lot of school. A hero is someone who makes a difference in your life and each of you change because of it. A hero is someone who loves you enough to watch out for your best interests even if you don’t want to hear it. :) http://captivating-quotes.tumblr.com/

And the real heros are our mothers and fathers, bosses and colleagues, friends and neighbors, and even strangers we meet every day. A hero is not necessarily someone who has won a lot of awards or gone to a lot of school. A hero is someone who makes a difference in your life and each of you change because of it. A hero is someone who loves you enough to watch out for your best interests even if you don’t want to hear it. :)
http://captivating-quotes.tumblr.com/

(Source: theycallmegomer, via captivating-quotes)